I recently participated in a discussion in a group about relieving anxiety by listening to music. That got me thinking! And still another group discussed anxiety in familiar places...THAT got me thinking!
Anxiety is SUCH a burden. To rid oneself of that burden would be nirvana...wouldn't it? Just last night, I had a run in with anxiety...playing music!! Of all things! The one thing in my life that I truly love to do...causing anxiety? But, wait! How can it cause anxiety? What actually IS the cause of anxiety?
After pondering that very thought....the light went on! WE cause it in ourselves...it is NOT external!
So what was my anxiety last night?.....the symphony rehersal! I realize that I put a LOT of pressure on myself to play well, get every note, every articulation, in order to make an impression! So what happened.....it backfired! I did not live up to my own expectations!
So let me back up a bit.....
I auditioned earlier this year for a spot in the symphony. I worked very hard all summer preparing. I worked on getting all the tempos that I thought he (the director) wanted to hear, all the dynamics...everything. I felt really ready. The day came, I walked onto the stage, played my scale fairly well, made a couple mistakes on my etude...not too bad! Then totally blew the excerpts! Nothing was right! He kept stopping me, telling me to "play this way NOT that way..." I was crushed. All of my confidence blew out of me like steam escaping from a kettle! I KNEW I didn't make it...I was crushed!!
The next day....late in the day, after I had time to really soak in the blow!!...a friend called to tell me I had made it in! IMOSSIBLE...I thought! But true (albeit LAST chair!) I'll take it!!
So now, deterrmined to prove my worthiness....PRESSURE!!!! And ANXIETY...who put that there? I DID!!!
Examing exactly where anxiety comes from is, I believe, a huge step toward eliminating it. Slowly, but surely, I am working on it! To think that music...the element of joy and relief to SO many people can be the cause of anxiety for me......HOGWASH! It is I that causes my own anxiety!
Something to think about!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Thanksgiving
On the eve of this thanksgiving, I am grateful.
I am grateful for my family, those close and far away.
I am grateful for the family I have made new connections with through the wonders of the commputer age.
I am SO grateful for all the opportunities that come my way both in musical terms and in personal ways.
I am grateful for the love I feel in my heart.
I am grateful for the music that courses through my veins!
And I am grateful that I can FEEL gratitude....no matter the past or future....they don't really exist! It is only now that exists!
And, I am grateful to the people who have entered and exited my life...people who have left a definite impression....people who I will remember always, and love forever!
Happy Thanksgiving.... everyday!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
One of THOSE Days!
Life is full of ups and downs!
I sit thinking about all the work I have put into my music these last few years, setting my thoughts on making some money and being successful while doing what I truly love to do. Today, it sounds like a fairy tale....the unattainable goal!
That, in a nutshell, is the music biz! What's new is old, what's in is out, what's up is down! I have, to a degree, combined all those elements into the music I create for my cello quartet....I should call it "a life mixture!" Ahhh! But will it sell!! THAT is the question! The answer is...sometimes!
Do you ever feel like you are the only one out there? That is the way I feel sometimes as I stare at my computer screen, pretending that there is actually someone starring back! I am rambling today because I feel very discouraged! After all the hard work....I'm feeling like I am losing it all! But that is part of life too.....get it lose it then get it again and NEVER giving up!
Isn't that what's called being a musician? Isn't that what makes us sensitive enough to our surroundings so that we can transfer it to our music? Isn't that what our audience wants? To convey lifes come upins....musically? Music is my joy and my sorrow! I feel it so much it hurts...but I can't stop doing it, I wont stop playing! It is my heart and soul. Let the music never stop!
So, to end on a positive note....La Cella Bella WILL keep going....somehow!
I sit thinking about all the work I have put into my music these last few years, setting my thoughts on making some money and being successful while doing what I truly love to do. Today, it sounds like a fairy tale....the unattainable goal!
That, in a nutshell, is the music biz! What's new is old, what's in is out, what's up is down! I have, to a degree, combined all those elements into the music I create for my cello quartet....I should call it "a life mixture!" Ahhh! But will it sell!! THAT is the question! The answer is...sometimes!
Do you ever feel like you are the only one out there? That is the way I feel sometimes as I stare at my computer screen, pretending that there is actually someone starring back! I am rambling today because I feel very discouraged! After all the hard work....I'm feeling like I am losing it all! But that is part of life too.....get it lose it then get it again and NEVER giving up!
Isn't that what's called being a musician? Isn't that what makes us sensitive enough to our surroundings so that we can transfer it to our music? Isn't that what our audience wants? To convey lifes come upins....musically? Music is my joy and my sorrow! I feel it so much it hurts...but I can't stop doing it, I wont stop playing! It is my heart and soul. Let the music never stop!
So, to end on a positive note....La Cella Bella WILL keep going....somehow!
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Music and the empty nest!
I had been a musician all my adult life! Played in bands..."on the road". Lots of travel. Lots of memorable experiences! Sounds glamorous but when I met my husband, the thought of settling down was very compelling. The "road" can be a difficult task master and playing in bar after bar can be gruelling! So, as my family grew, music was left behind...at least that form was! I did manage to play in orchestras from time to time just to fill the need but my family became my obsession...consuming everything else! Then came the inevitable....both of my kids were in college, AWAY from home. NOW WHAT!?
I did the usual reminiscing of the past for a while (my band playing days.) Trying to figure out..."What next". I guess you call that "empty nest." You know, missing your childhood or young adult hood once the kids have flown the coup! Remembering "the good old days"! My family had been my life for a long time and now I had to figure out what to do with myself. The more I pondered the harder it got. I tried several things to keep me busy, but nothing really filled the gap. You don't really understand the term "empty nest" until you experience it and no one can prepare you for it...it just happens. The more I tried to relieve the symptoms, the worse it got!
I finally let go of trying to find whatever it was I was trying to find and.....there it was! A cello quartet! A voice whispered....take this quartet, relive the music you played in younger years and create a new outlet for it. AH HA! The Beatles, cello style! Eric Clapton, Van Morrison, all my idols....cello style! It was brilliant! Now, I can relive the past with an eye on the future! All I had to do was quite trying to think of something! Quite working so hard to MAKE things happen and LET things happen! Easier said than done sometimes but if we let our imagination plant an idea, we can run with it! I am still running! There are LOTS of possibilities, I just had to stop trying to think of them and let them! Make sense? Sometimes trying too hard, digs a whole, thinking too hard, makes it wider! Then you fall into it!
So, I am excited about the new musical possibilities in my life (I am also playing with another orchestra...in the back of the section! Full circle!) I am hoping to share the quartet with everyone soon...all in good time. I am so glad I listened to my own imagination...that crazy voice in my head!
I did the usual reminiscing of the past for a while (my band playing days.) Trying to figure out..."What next". I guess you call that "empty nest." You know, missing your childhood or young adult hood once the kids have flown the coup! Remembering "the good old days"! My family had been my life for a long time and now I had to figure out what to do with myself. The more I pondered the harder it got. I tried several things to keep me busy, but nothing really filled the gap. You don't really understand the term "empty nest" until you experience it and no one can prepare you for it...it just happens. The more I tried to relieve the symptoms, the worse it got!
I finally let go of trying to find whatever it was I was trying to find and.....there it was! A cello quartet! A voice whispered....take this quartet, relive the music you played in younger years and create a new outlet for it. AH HA! The Beatles, cello style! Eric Clapton, Van Morrison, all my idols....cello style! It was brilliant! Now, I can relive the past with an eye on the future! All I had to do was quite trying to think of something! Quite working so hard to MAKE things happen and LET things happen! Easier said than done sometimes but if we let our imagination plant an idea, we can run with it! I am still running! There are LOTS of possibilities, I just had to stop trying to think of them and let them! Make sense? Sometimes trying too hard, digs a whole, thinking too hard, makes it wider! Then you fall into it!
So, I am excited about the new musical possibilities in my life (I am also playing with another orchestra...in the back of the section! Full circle!) I am hoping to share the quartet with everyone soon...all in good time. I am so glad I listened to my own imagination...that crazy voice in my head!
Saturday, September 27, 2008
It is never too late!
I teach cello lessons. I think a lot about each individual student before their lessons. Their mental and physical needs, their goals and aspirations. One methode of teaching does not necessarily fit all! I can apply this thought to so many other things in life.
My daughter and I love to play with horses. She is much more the expert than I. She has taken a lot of lessons from a lot of different trainers. We have had several different horses at different ages and...guess what!? One methode of training does not fit every horse! I have met so many trainers and teachers who try to put learning in a box! I have a very difficult time with that! People don't fit in boxes....neither do horses! So, as a teacher (trainer?) I try to take in account as many variables as possible, including age. The age of the horse you are working with makes a HUGE difference in how you go about training, so does the age of my cello students!
I have had older beginner cello students. One, in particular was a women approaching 80. The first thing she asks me..."am I NUTS?" My answer is ALWAYS "NO!" This particular student had once been an outstanding pianist. I thought at first that this was going to be relatively easy considering her background. As we got started, though, I realised another variable...the mind!
As we went along with her lessons, I was discovering that I had to repeat things over and over, much like a very young child before the light bulb turns on. As frustrating as it became, I suddenly realised that the lessons for this particular student were not about playing the cello! It was a MENTAL excersize! The purpose of her lessons eluded me for a while until MY light bulb went on! It wasn't about playing the cello!! This revelation made our lessons much easier. It was as much a lesson for me as it was for her and no....she wasn't nuts and no.....it wasn't too late!
I have another older student. A woman in her 70's. Again the..."am I nuts?" Her needs and goals are similar to the other in a way....a wonderful mental excersize, but she also has added the...."I have always wanted to play cello! Even just Twinkle...!" Well, she is WAY beyond twinkle now. She and I have discussed some physical aspect of playing that might prove challenging, but that does not mean she cannot play some very beautiful pieces and ENJOY it! It does not have to be complicated or difficult to be beautiful AND enjoyable.
There is so much more on this topic. I think I will save it for another time! As a beginner blogger, I do not want to make MY mental excersize complicated or difficult! As I am continually struggling to comrehend the ins and outs of computers, I think of my children who are SO much
farther ahead of me with their knowledge and skills. And I think of their youth......but I also believe that it is never too late!
My daughter and I love to play with horses. She is much more the expert than I. She has taken a lot of lessons from a lot of different trainers. We have had several different horses at different ages and...guess what!? One methode of training does not fit every horse! I have met so many trainers and teachers who try to put learning in a box! I have a very difficult time with that! People don't fit in boxes....neither do horses! So, as a teacher (trainer?) I try to take in account as many variables as possible, including age. The age of the horse you are working with makes a HUGE difference in how you go about training, so does the age of my cello students!
I have had older beginner cello students. One, in particular was a women approaching 80. The first thing she asks me..."am I NUTS?" My answer is ALWAYS "NO!" This particular student had once been an outstanding pianist. I thought at first that this was going to be relatively easy considering her background. As we got started, though, I realised another variable...the mind!
As we went along with her lessons, I was discovering that I had to repeat things over and over, much like a very young child before the light bulb turns on. As frustrating as it became, I suddenly realised that the lessons for this particular student were not about playing the cello! It was a MENTAL excersize! The purpose of her lessons eluded me for a while until MY light bulb went on! It wasn't about playing the cello!! This revelation made our lessons much easier. It was as much a lesson for me as it was for her and no....she wasn't nuts and no.....it wasn't too late!
I have another older student. A woman in her 70's. Again the..."am I nuts?" Her needs and goals are similar to the other in a way....a wonderful mental excersize, but she also has added the...."I have always wanted to play cello! Even just Twinkle...!" Well, she is WAY beyond twinkle now. She and I have discussed some physical aspect of playing that might prove challenging, but that does not mean she cannot play some very beautiful pieces and ENJOY it! It does not have to be complicated or difficult to be beautiful AND enjoyable.
There is so much more on this topic. I think I will save it for another time! As a beginner blogger, I do not want to make MY mental excersize complicated or difficult! As I am continually struggling to comrehend the ins and outs of computers, I think of my children who are SO much
farther ahead of me with their knowledge and skills. And I think of their youth......but I also believe that it is never too late!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
The Cello: Coming of Age
There is a revolution afoot! The cello is finally coming to the forefront as the extremely versatile instrument it is! Finally, we cellists do not have to be satisfied with being lumped in with basses! We can sing out! We have a voice! No longer do we have to resign ourselves to the relentless bass lines of pieces like (dare I say it?) the Kanon!!! ACHHH!
Thanks to people like Yo Yo Ma and groups like Apocalyptica we are beginning to realize our full potential as front players, a position held for too long by violins! Many of us are venturing out to satisfy a need that has been quelched for far too long! We are IMPROVISING, we are cello arranging. We are playing all kinds of music!
I have started a group called La Cella Bella. We are a cello quartet. All women to boot! We are playing music for everyone and arranging it for cellos ONLY! It is a revolution! We can play ANYTHING!!! The most difficult part I face with my group is getting ALL the permissions and lisencing required. People should be honore that their music has been part of this revolution!!!
I am excited and I hope to have some music for all to hear soon! Takes time and money. Please feel free to make comments, suggestions, experiences, I'd love them all!
Thanks for listening!
Alison Reynolds
Thanks to people like Yo Yo Ma and groups like Apocalyptica we are beginning to realize our full potential as front players, a position held for too long by violins! Many of us are venturing out to satisfy a need that has been quelched for far too long! We are IMPROVISING, we are cello arranging. We are playing all kinds of music!
I have started a group called La Cella Bella. We are a cello quartet. All women to boot! We are playing music for everyone and arranging it for cellos ONLY! It is a revolution! We can play ANYTHING!!! The most difficult part I face with my group is getting ALL the permissions and lisencing required. People should be honore that their music has been part of this revolution!!!
I am excited and I hope to have some music for all to hear soon! Takes time and money. Please feel free to make comments, suggestions, experiences, I'd love them all!
Thanks for listening!
Alison Reynolds
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