I recently participated in a discussion in a group about relieving anxiety by listening to music. That got me thinking! And still another group discussed anxiety in familiar places...THAT got me thinking!
Anxiety is SUCH a burden. To rid oneself of that burden would be nirvana...wouldn't it? Just last night, I had a run in with anxiety...playing music!! Of all things! The one thing in my life that I truly love to do...causing anxiety? But, wait! How can it cause anxiety? What actually IS the cause of anxiety?
After pondering that very thought....the light went on! WE cause it in ourselves...it is NOT external!
So what was my anxiety last night?.....the symphony rehersal! I realize that I put a LOT of pressure on myself to play well, get every note, every articulation, in order to make an impression! So what happened.....it backfired! I did not live up to my own expectations!
So let me back up a bit.....
I auditioned earlier this year for a spot in the symphony. I worked very hard all summer preparing. I worked on getting all the tempos that I thought he (the director) wanted to hear, all the dynamics...everything. I felt really ready. The day came, I walked onto the stage, played my scale fairly well, made a couple mistakes on my etude...not too bad! Then totally blew the excerpts! Nothing was right! He kept stopping me, telling me to "play this way NOT that way..." I was crushed. All of my confidence blew out of me like steam escaping from a kettle! I KNEW I didn't make it...I was crushed!!
The next day....late in the day, after I had time to really soak in the blow!!...a friend called to tell me I had made it in! IMOSSIBLE...I thought! But true (albeit LAST chair!) I'll take it!!
So now, deterrmined to prove my worthiness....PRESSURE!!!! And ANXIETY...who put that there? I DID!!!
Examing exactly where anxiety comes from is, I believe, a huge step toward eliminating it. Slowly, but surely, I am working on it! To think that music...the element of joy and relief to SO many people can be the cause of anxiety for me......HOGWASH! It is I that causes my own anxiety!
Something to think about!
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2 comments:
Perspective. That is my answer to most everything. Our perspective on any given circumstance determines our response. We either react or respond. We either get stressed or choose to do what it takes to relax.
I totally agree with you. We are responsible for our own anxiety. We choose. Things/people may up the chances for our choosing anger, stress, anxiety, fear... our perspective of the person/thing is a factor. If we choose to change our perspective we change our response. If we take responsibility for our approach we can learn to no longer react but to repond.
See, I'm the voice of wisdom. ;) I know this only because I struggle with it all the time. I have learned to "be still" much of the time now, but not always. Just have the realtor call and say that someone once to walk through the house when it is not cleaned up. That throws me into a tizzy every time. Working on that!!! ;)
Choose to enjoy, even when messing up. :)
First, it should have been "wants" not "once in my other response. What a dork I am.
Secondly, we are moving to Colorado Springs, or one of its littel suburb areas so that we are closer to Marvin's job which is on the South end of Colorado Springs. Commuting is getting to be a big pain and time stealer!
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