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Friday, June 26, 2009

Introspection

Today feels so sad! Yesterday the world lost two prominent people, Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett. It was their time but, nonetheless the loss is heavy in our hearts.

Farrah Fawcett's battle was with cancer, something I have grown to know too much about! Michael Jackson's battle was with himself. Both are tragic.

Some people I know resent the media attention given to these two deaths. But both of these can stand as a reminder of how we live and the people we love and how we love them. Our hearts would break if we tried to encompass the sadness of every innocent and untimely death in the world. So, what we can garner from all the attention of these two deaths is to glorify in our own way all the people around us and the events that effect us every day!

Fame, I believe, is a big part of what destroyed Michael Jackson. A BRILLIANT musician, a trailblazer in showmanship. His real life was on stage. His other life was in the newspapers! He paid a huge price for his fame and now he can rest in peace! We are so quick to judge based on what we read in the newspapers and see on TV. The reality is that we are all human and we all suffer from a common human ailment . . . mistakes! And we all tend to judge others by their mistakes (or what we perceive as a mistake!) It is a waste of energy! Maybe we can learn from all the attention placed on Micheal's' death instead of judging it!

Farrah Fawcett used her misfortune to try to help others. A very noble effort as I know that treating cancer through chemo therapy is a living hell! To go through all that and have cancer come out the winner should never happen to anyone! But, it happens all the time. Farrah Fawcett's notoriety in death can help us remember all of those who have gone before her. . . . so many, who have fought the battle and lost.

I am having a difficult time drawing a conclusion to this post. It will remain open. . . . . . .

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Music and Letting Go

We all have times in our lives when we wish we could just escape. The "down" times when life throws a curve ball and we hit the dirt trying to catch it! Sometimes it feels like that is all we get. . . curve balls! So what do we tend to do? Eat dirt!

The truth of it is. . .and this can be easier said than done. . .we'd be a lot better off if we passed on the curve balls. Let them go! I, for one, have been trying to catch those curve balls all my life, thinking that if I could just catch this one, things will be much better. . .then I will be happy!

Finally, in my older but not necessarily wiser age, I am starting to grasp the concept of "letting go." The only real path to happiness is to "be happy!" Yeah! Easier said than done!

There are so many tools to use to maintain a calm and happy mind. One way that I really like, is through music (no surprise!). If, when we see that curve ball coming, we could conjure up our favorite music and refuse to let our minds focus on that ball, we might just be able to "let it go!" How many times have you caught yourself getting lost in the music? Or listening to music and visualizing a beautiful place? The right music can makes us feel like dancing and singing, instead of crawling into that black spot in our minds. It can bring joy, it can lift your spirits!

The other day, I was having a major battle with my computer (we tend to have a love/hate relationship!) Frustration was rearing its' ugly head! So, I took a break and sat down with my cello and focused totally on playing. I heard every note, felt every vibration and, for a while, was totally consumed by the sound! I felt much, much better and avoided the urge to throw my computer out the window!

Not everyone plays an instrument. . . obviously! But, these days, most of us have stereos, radios, ipods, mp3 players. . . something to go to in order to get away from an unpleasant experience or thought. The trick is to recognise the feeling before it consumes you and jump into something pleasant, even just for a couple of seconds. . . a "time out" of sorts.

It makes me wonder what businesses (corporations in particular) might be like if they provided a "time out" room! A place to "decompress" with beautiful music. Even though music is my career, it is also my "decompression".. . . . . something to think about!

So, try it out. The next time you feel pressure building or see that curve ball coming, listen to some music, get lost in it. If you are not where you have access to something to play it on. . .focus on it in your mind. . . hear your favorite song! It is something I work on all the time!!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

People hear but they may not be "listening"

Hearing and listening. . .are they the same thing? I think not! How many times have you read a book but then wondered what it was really all about? Or, even better, how many times have you read the same paragraph over and over and STILL not understood it? How many times have you been chatting with a friend and not grasped a word they said. . . hearing but not listening? It is not a failure to understanding, but rather a failure to really hear what the words are trying to say. Our attention is not really focused on what we are reading or listening to. Or maybe I should say this the other way around...listening but not hearing!

I find that this is what happens to a lot of people who listen to music, but not really hearing it! A great example of this is when I do arrangements for my group.

After working through an arrangement with my cello group, one of the members said that she didn't believe the bass line she played was part of the song. I dug out a CD of that particular song and pointed it out to her! It was an old song by the Eagles called Hotel California. Everyone knows the melody but have you ever listened for any of the other parts?

Listening, I believe, is a skill, especially when it comes to music! How many times have you listened to a piece of music and simply heard a "wall of sound"? A lot of us do that! It happens to a lot of us when we hear some classical music particularly the more modern classics. There is a lot of "texture" in classical and you don't have to be a musician to hear it, just listen for it! That is what I believe intimidates a lot of people when they hear classical music, they figure you have to be classically trained to hear the intricacies. Actually, all you have to do is train yourself to really listen!

The challenge to any music is to not just hear it as a whole, but, rather, all the different parts that make up the whole! When I do arrangements from a CD for my cello group, I "listen" to one part of the song at a time. Each time I listen, it becomes a different song. I "listen" for the bass line, then I "listen" for the melody, the rhythm, the harmonies etc... until I finally have the whole thing.

Listening, I think, can add a whole new dimension to music. The next time you play a song, try listening deeper. Try focusing on the bass line, or just the harmony or any aspect of the song other than the melody. The melody is usually what attracts us, but the "inner" parts really make the song! Or, the next time you play a piece of classical music, try focusing your attention on something other than the 1st violins...try hearing the 2nd violins! Now THERE is a challenge!

We can apply this to every aspect of our lives from "listening" to music to actually "listening" to what a friend is saying or the speech someone is giving. We are all guilty of it....hearing, but not listening,...listening but not hearing!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Music and Anxiety?

I recently participated in a discussion in a group about relieving anxiety by listening to music. That got me thinking! And still another group discussed anxiety in familiar places...THAT got me thinking!
Anxiety is SUCH a burden. To rid oneself of that burden would be nirvana...wouldn't it? Just last night, I had a run in with anxiety...playing music!! Of all things! The one thing in my life that I truly love to do...causing anxiety? But, wait! How can it cause anxiety? What actually IS the cause of anxiety?
After pondering that very thought....the light went on! WE cause it in ourselves...it is NOT external!
So what was my anxiety last night?.....the symphony rehersal! I realize that I put a LOT of pressure on myself to play well, get every note, every articulation, in order to make an impression! So what happened.....it backfired! I did not live up to my own expectations!
So let me back up a bit.....
I auditioned earlier this year for a spot in the symphony. I worked very hard all summer preparing. I worked on getting all the tempos that I thought he (the director) wanted to hear, all the dynamics...everything. I felt really ready. The day came, I walked onto the stage, played my scale fairly well, made a couple mistakes on my etude...not too bad! Then totally blew the excerpts! Nothing was right! He kept stopping me, telling me to "play this way NOT that way..." I was crushed. All of my confidence blew out of me like steam escaping from a kettle! I KNEW I didn't make it...I was crushed!!
The next day....late in the day, after I had time to really soak in the blow!!...a friend called to tell me I had made it in! IMOSSIBLE...I thought! But true (albeit LAST chair!) I'll take it!!
So now, deterrmined to prove my worthiness....PRESSURE!!!! And ANXIETY...who put that there? I DID!!!
Examing exactly where anxiety comes from is, I believe, a huge step toward eliminating it. Slowly, but surely, I am working on it! To think that music...the element of joy and relief to SO many people can be the cause of anxiety for me......HOGWASH! It is I that causes my own anxiety!
Something to think about!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Thanksgiving

On the eve of this thanksgiving, I am grateful.

I am grateful for my family, those close and far away.

I am grateful for the family I have made new connections with through the wonders of the commputer age.

I am SO grateful for all the opportunities that come my way both in musical terms and in personal ways.

I am grateful for the love I feel in my heart.

I am grateful for the music that courses through my veins!

And I am grateful that I can FEEL gratitude....no matter the past or future....they don't really exist! It is only now that exists!

And, I am grateful to the people who have entered and exited my life...people who have left a definite impression....people who I will remember always, and love forever!

Happy Thanksgiving.... everyday!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

One of THOSE Days!

Life is full of ups and downs!

I sit thinking about all the work I have put into my music these last few years, setting my thoughts on making some money and being successful while doing what I truly love to do. Today, it sounds like a fairy tale....the unattainable goal!
That, in a nutshell, is the music biz! What's new is old, what's in is out, what's up is down! I have, to a degree, combined all those elements into the music I create for my cello quartet....I should call it "a life mixture!" Ahhh! But will it sell!! THAT is the question! The answer is...sometimes!

Do you ever feel like you are the only one out there? That is the way I feel sometimes as I stare at my computer screen, pretending that there is actually someone starring back! I am rambling today because I feel very discouraged! After all the hard work....I'm feeling like I am losing it all! But that is part of life too.....get it lose it then get it again and NEVER giving up!

Isn't that what's called being a musician? Isn't that what makes us sensitive enough to our surroundings so that we can transfer it to our music? Isn't that what our audience wants? To convey lifes come upins....musically? Music is my joy and my sorrow! I feel it so much it hurts...but I can't stop doing it, I wont stop playing! It is my heart and soul. Let the music never stop!

So, to end on a positive note....La Cella Bella WILL keep going....somehow!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Music and the empty nest!

I had been a musician all my adult life! Played in bands..."on the road". Lots of travel. Lots of memorable experiences! Sounds glamorous but when I met my husband, the thought of settling down was very compelling. The "road" can be a difficult task master and playing in bar after bar can be gruelling! So, as my family grew, music was left behind...at least that form was! I did manage to play in orchestras from time to time just to fill the need but my family became my obsession...consuming everything else! Then came the inevitable....both of my kids were in college, AWAY from home. NOW WHAT!?

I did the usual reminiscing of the past for a while (my band playing days.) Trying to figure out..."What next". I guess you call that "empty nest." You know, missing your childhood or young adult hood once the kids have flown the coup! Remembering "the good old days"! My family had been my life for a long time and now I had to figure out what to do with myself. The more I pondered the harder it got. I tried several things to keep me busy, but nothing really filled the gap. You don't really understand the term "empty nest" until you experience it and no one can prepare you for it...it just happens. The more I tried to relieve the symptoms, the worse it got!


I finally let go of trying to find whatever it was I was trying to find and.....there it was! A cello quartet! A voice whispered....take this quartet, relive the music you played in younger years and create a new outlet for it. AH HA! The Beatles, cello style! Eric Clapton, Van Morrison, all my idols....cello style! It was brilliant! Now, I can relive the past with an eye on the future! All I had to do was quite trying to think of something! Quite working so hard to MAKE things happen and LET things happen! Easier said than done sometimes but if we let our imagination plant an idea, we can run with it! I am still running! There are LOTS of possibilities, I just had to stop trying to think of them and let them! Make sense? Sometimes trying too hard, digs a whole, thinking too hard, makes it wider! Then you fall into it!



So, I am excited about the new musical possibilities in my life (I am also playing with another orchestra...in the back of the section! Full circle!) I am hoping to share the quartet with everyone soon...all in good time. I am so glad I listened to my own imagination...that crazy voice in my head!