That is my mantra these days as I sit waiting for my phone to ring with another job possibility. Another one could be, "this too shall pass", or one of my favorites as my kids were growing up, "it's just a phase!" All these sayings pass through my mind when the work "drought" times come and I just can not figure out my next move.
But, that, too, is right in front of me, turn it into music! Ahhh! So simple. . .or is it? When I let my mind fill up with other thoughts, it becomes very difficult to focus on other ideas. . .thus, the term, "losing focus!" I DO have that option, though, I do have a choice! Life is full of choices that we are consciously or unconsciously making everyday! We either let our emotions or outside influences make our decisions for us or we consciously make them. The former seems to be easy route. Why?
I let myself get involved in a couple of arguments lately. I know better than that! I am not a good arguer. My emotions tend to take over and I end up sputtering and spewing words in hopes that the right ones will come tumbling out! But the right ones almost always tend to fail me at those moments because my emotions are in control!
My playing is the same way! When I get emotionally worked up, I make mistakes! It doesn't mean that I shouldn't play with emotion, but simply letting it go through me instead of "supercharging" my emotions to the point of becoming "out of control!" Instead of trying to make the music happen, I need to "let" it happen.
Such is the way with life. . . learning to "let it go" seems to be a life long pursuit for a lot of us. Try/fail, try/fail. . .but at least one can have the satisfaction of trying. Some don't try at all!
So, going back to the topic of music, I am going to see if I can channel all these emotions I have been feeling lately (my horoscope warned me about this! Ha! Thanks for the warning, Zoe!) and turn them into a positive. . . .music! It could be a really interesting piece (maybe I should call it "healthcare!" Sorry, inside joke. . .I couldn't resist!) We shall see. It is not that emotions are negative. They can be very positive, IF we remain in control. I think emotions are like little children. . . left unchecked, they can create a LOT of problems! But, when they are nurtured and monitored, they can become a total joy, an inspiration. They can show us what we need to do next!So I will turn mine into music after all. . . ."Life is music, music is life!"
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Mistakes
I fell asleep last night thinking about this. . . BIG topic. What brought this to mind was a friend who let me know that a video of La Cella Bella was finally ready! And that made me think of another video that another friend took of a concert that I recently played in. . .I made mistakes! I haven't had the courage to watch the video yet. . . I know what I did!
As I pondered this, I remembered a quartet member who came to me after we had played, apologizing for mistakes she had made. I said to her, "It's not about mistakes." Wow! I think I need to listen to myself!
Music, to me, is emotion. Pure, raw emotion. It is the expression of life. It can take us places that we never thought possible. . .transporting us to another realm, another dimension! It is not about mistakes.
As a musician, I always strive to be perfect, or at least my idea of perfection! To have every note in its' proper place and time! I have yet to achieve that but, one thing I have achieved (I think) is playing from my heart. Playing every note with emotion. I had a teacher who told me once. . ."never play a note until it is time to play that note" . . . . I think of that every time I play.
I went to a concert once where a cellist was playing the Haydn C Major cello concerto. I have a special place in my heart for that piece. Having studied it in college, I knew every nuance of the piece. I was anxious to hear this cellists' interpretation of it. Her playing was incredible. . .every note in its' place, technically perfect. But, the performance left me cold. I felt no emotion, it did not move me anywhere! It did not send me to that special place in my mind where nothing exists but the music.
There were no mistakes in that performance but. . .there was also no emotion. So, music is not about mistakes, as life is not about mistakes. We all make them but do we all have the courage to forgive ourselves and move on? No one is harder on me than me. . .I easily can forgive others mistakes but can I give myself the same courtesy? In life we need our mistakes to keep us growing, in music we need our mistakes to keep us human, to keep us real, and to keep us motivated to play totally from the heart.
So, I guess I should watch the video and try to simply listen to the emotion, easy to say and not so easy to do!
My mantra . . . ."it's not about the mistakes!"
As I pondered this, I remembered a quartet member who came to me after we had played, apologizing for mistakes she had made. I said to her, "It's not about mistakes." Wow! I think I need to listen to myself!
Music, to me, is emotion. Pure, raw emotion. It is the expression of life. It can take us places that we never thought possible. . .transporting us to another realm, another dimension! It is not about mistakes.
As a musician, I always strive to be perfect, or at least my idea of perfection! To have every note in its' proper place and time! I have yet to achieve that but, one thing I have achieved (I think) is playing from my heart. Playing every note with emotion. I had a teacher who told me once. . ."never play a note until it is time to play that note" . . . . I think of that every time I play.
I went to a concert once where a cellist was playing the Haydn C Major cello concerto. I have a special place in my heart for that piece. Having studied it in college, I knew every nuance of the piece. I was anxious to hear this cellists' interpretation of it. Her playing was incredible. . .every note in its' place, technically perfect. But, the performance left me cold. I felt no emotion, it did not move me anywhere! It did not send me to that special place in my mind where nothing exists but the music.
There were no mistakes in that performance but. . .there was also no emotion. So, music is not about mistakes, as life is not about mistakes. We all make them but do we all have the courage to forgive ourselves and move on? No one is harder on me than me. . .I easily can forgive others mistakes but can I give myself the same courtesy? In life we need our mistakes to keep us growing, in music we need our mistakes to keep us human, to keep us real, and to keep us motivated to play totally from the heart.
So, I guess I should watch the video and try to simply listen to the emotion, easy to say and not so easy to do!
My mantra . . . ."it's not about the mistakes!"
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Reminiscence
In the last few days I have been bombarded with memories! Thanks to cyber space I have reconnected with old friends mostly from my music days in Canada. "Those were the days my friends. . . ." has been my mantra. So many years ago and SO much music. It has me thinking about how music never dies, it fades a bit but it never dies!
A good friend of mine from many years gone by sent some lyrics for me read to read. As I read, so many other songs began popping up, all pertaining to the same basic thought. And, of course, that lead me to thinking about other lyrics that pertain to other aspects of life, etc., etc, etc. The next thing I know, I am thinking about the past in terms of lyrics of songs. . . when my kids were really little (not that I EVER regret staying home to raise them, but upon the odd time I found myself missing the old "band" days) "such are the dreams of the everyday housewife. . . ." (Glen Camble) And the lost loves in my life. . ."strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words".....(Killing Me Softly, Roberta Flack) Then the recovery (possibly from both?) "let it be, let it be, let it be , let it be! Whisper words of wisdom, Let it be. . . " And the times I ever felt my dreams were "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". Thinking of when I decided to leave Canada and all the very many friends I had there. . ."don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone. . . ."
It is amazing the connections one can make with songs. Even my own ( this is for the people who knew me with Watson and Reynolds) songs. . . You gave me my smile was written for a lover from way back with whom I have just reconnected (did you know that?) Look To Your Soul. . . who hasn't done some soul searching?
But back to the songs that everyone knows. . . when I am feeling energized and positive, I think. . "you can do magic, you can have anything that you desire. . ." and then for the days when I am scratching my head. . ."sometimes I wonder" (that's from "Mirth")
Music is life, life is lyrics. Pick any aspect and there is a song! I thank my Canadian friends who have inspired me and have reminded me of their friendship, that, along with the music, will never die!
A good friend of mine from many years gone by sent some lyrics for me read to read. As I read, so many other songs began popping up, all pertaining to the same basic thought. And, of course, that lead me to thinking about other lyrics that pertain to other aspects of life, etc., etc, etc. The next thing I know, I am thinking about the past in terms of lyrics of songs. . . when my kids were really little (not that I EVER regret staying home to raise them, but upon the odd time I found myself missing the old "band" days) "such are the dreams of the everyday housewife. . . ." (Glen Camble) And the lost loves in my life. . ."strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words".....(Killing Me Softly, Roberta Flack) Then the recovery (possibly from both?) "let it be, let it be, let it be , let it be! Whisper words of wisdom, Let it be. . . " And the times I ever felt my dreams were "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". Thinking of when I decided to leave Canada and all the very many friends I had there. . ."don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone. . . ."
It is amazing the connections one can make with songs. Even my own ( this is for the people who knew me with Watson and Reynolds) songs. . . You gave me my smile was written for a lover from way back with whom I have just reconnected (did you know that?) Look To Your Soul. . . who hasn't done some soul searching?
But back to the songs that everyone knows. . . when I am feeling energized and positive, I think. . "you can do magic, you can have anything that you desire. . ." and then for the days when I am scratching my head. . ."sometimes I wonder" (that's from "Mirth")
Music is life, life is lyrics. Pick any aspect and there is a song! I thank my Canadian friends who have inspired me and have reminded me of their friendship, that, along with the music, will never die!
Friday, June 26, 2009
Introspection
Today feels so sad! Yesterday the world lost two prominent people, Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett. It was their time but, nonetheless the loss is heavy in our hearts.
Farrah Fawcett's battle was with cancer, something I have grown to know too much about! Michael Jackson's battle was with himself. Both are tragic.
Some people I know resent the media attention given to these two deaths. But both of these can stand as a reminder of how we live and the people we love and how we love them. Our hearts would break if we tried to encompass the sadness of every innocent and untimely death in the world. So, what we can garner from all the attention of these two deaths is to glorify in our own way all the people around us and the events that effect us every day!
Fame, I believe, is a big part of what destroyed Michael Jackson. A BRILLIANT musician, a trailblazer in showmanship. His real life was on stage. His other life was in the newspapers! He paid a huge price for his fame and now he can rest in peace! We are so quick to judge based on what we read in the newspapers and see on TV. The reality is that we are all human and we all suffer from a common human ailment . . . mistakes! And we all tend to judge others by their mistakes (or what we perceive as a mistake!) It is a waste of energy! Maybe we can learn from all the attention placed on Micheal's' death instead of judging it!
Farrah Fawcett used her misfortune to try to help others. A very noble effort as I know that treating cancer through chemo therapy is a living hell! To go through all that and have cancer come out the winner should never happen to anyone! But, it happens all the time. Farrah Fawcett's notoriety in death can help us remember all of those who have gone before her. . . . so many, who have fought the battle and lost.
I am having a difficult time drawing a conclusion to this post. It will remain open. . . . . . .
Farrah Fawcett's battle was with cancer, something I have grown to know too much about! Michael Jackson's battle was with himself. Both are tragic.
Some people I know resent the media attention given to these two deaths. But both of these can stand as a reminder of how we live and the people we love and how we love them. Our hearts would break if we tried to encompass the sadness of every innocent and untimely death in the world. So, what we can garner from all the attention of these two deaths is to glorify in our own way all the people around us and the events that effect us every day!
Fame, I believe, is a big part of what destroyed Michael Jackson. A BRILLIANT musician, a trailblazer in showmanship. His real life was on stage. His other life was in the newspapers! He paid a huge price for his fame and now he can rest in peace! We are so quick to judge based on what we read in the newspapers and see on TV. The reality is that we are all human and we all suffer from a common human ailment . . . mistakes! And we all tend to judge others by their mistakes (or what we perceive as a mistake!) It is a waste of energy! Maybe we can learn from all the attention placed on Micheal's' death instead of judging it!
Farrah Fawcett used her misfortune to try to help others. A very noble effort as I know that treating cancer through chemo therapy is a living hell! To go through all that and have cancer come out the winner should never happen to anyone! But, it happens all the time. Farrah Fawcett's notoriety in death can help us remember all of those who have gone before her. . . . so many, who have fought the battle and lost.
I am having a difficult time drawing a conclusion to this post. It will remain open. . . . . . .
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Music and Letting Go
We all have times in our lives when we wish we could just escape. The "down" times when life throws a curve ball and we hit the dirt trying to catch it! Sometimes it feels like that is all we get. . . curve balls! So what do we tend to do? Eat dirt!
The truth of it is. . .and this can be easier said than done. . .we'd be a lot better off if we passed on the curve balls. Let them go! I, for one, have been trying to catch those curve balls all my life, thinking that if I could just catch this one, things will be much better. . .then I will be happy!
Finally, in my older but not necessarily wiser age, I am starting to grasp the concept of "letting go." The only real path to happiness is to "be happy!" Yeah! Easier said than done!
There are so many tools to use to maintain a calm and happy mind. One way that I really like, is through music (no surprise!). If, when we see that curve ball coming, we could conjure up our favorite music and refuse to let our minds focus on that ball, we might just be able to "let it go!" How many times have you caught yourself getting lost in the music? Or listening to music and visualizing a beautiful place? The right music can makes us feel like dancing and singing, instead of crawling into that black spot in our minds. It can bring joy, it can lift your spirits!
The other day, I was having a major battle with my computer (we tend to have a love/hate relationship!) Frustration was rearing its' ugly head! So, I took a break and sat down with my cello and focused totally on playing. I heard every note, felt every vibration and, for a while, was totally consumed by the sound! I felt much, much better and avoided the urge to throw my computer out the window!
Not everyone plays an instrument. . . obviously! But, these days, most of us have stereos, radios, ipods, mp3 players. . . something to go to in order to get away from an unpleasant experience or thought. The trick is to recognise the feeling before it consumes you and jump into something pleasant, even just for a couple of seconds. . . a "time out" of sorts.
It makes me wonder what businesses (corporations in particular) might be like if they provided a "time out" room! A place to "decompress" with beautiful music. Even though music is my career, it is also my "decompression".. . . . . something to think about!
So, try it out. The next time you feel pressure building or see that curve ball coming, listen to some music, get lost in it. If you are not where you have access to something to play it on. . .focus on it in your mind. . . hear your favorite song! It is something I work on all the time!!
The truth of it is. . .and this can be easier said than done. . .we'd be a lot better off if we passed on the curve balls. Let them go! I, for one, have been trying to catch those curve balls all my life, thinking that if I could just catch this one, things will be much better. . .then I will be happy!
Finally, in my older but not necessarily wiser age, I am starting to grasp the concept of "letting go." The only real path to happiness is to "be happy!" Yeah! Easier said than done!
There are so many tools to use to maintain a calm and happy mind. One way that I really like, is through music (no surprise!). If, when we see that curve ball coming, we could conjure up our favorite music and refuse to let our minds focus on that ball, we might just be able to "let it go!" How many times have you caught yourself getting lost in the music? Or listening to music and visualizing a beautiful place? The right music can makes us feel like dancing and singing, instead of crawling into that black spot in our minds. It can bring joy, it can lift your spirits!
The other day, I was having a major battle with my computer (we tend to have a love/hate relationship!) Frustration was rearing its' ugly head! So, I took a break and sat down with my cello and focused totally on playing. I heard every note, felt every vibration and, for a while, was totally consumed by the sound! I felt much, much better and avoided the urge to throw my computer out the window!
Not everyone plays an instrument. . . obviously! But, these days, most of us have stereos, radios, ipods, mp3 players. . . something to go to in order to get away from an unpleasant experience or thought. The trick is to recognise the feeling before it consumes you and jump into something pleasant, even just for a couple of seconds. . . a "time out" of sorts.
It makes me wonder what businesses (corporations in particular) might be like if they provided a "time out" room! A place to "decompress" with beautiful music. Even though music is my career, it is also my "decompression".. . . . . something to think about!
So, try it out. The next time you feel pressure building or see that curve ball coming, listen to some music, get lost in it. If you are not where you have access to something to play it on. . .focus on it in your mind. . . hear your favorite song! It is something I work on all the time!!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
People hear but they may not be "listening"
Hearing and listening. . .are they the same thing? I think not! How many times have you read a book but then wondered what it was really all about? Or, even better, how many times have you read the same paragraph over and over and STILL not understood it? How many times have you been chatting with a friend and not grasped a word they said. . . hearing but not listening? It is not a failure to understanding, but rather a failure to really hear what the words are trying to say. Our attention is not really focused on what we are reading or listening to. Or maybe I should say this the other way around...listening but not hearing!
I find that this is what happens to a lot of people who listen to music, but not really hearing it! A great example of this is when I do arrangements for my group.
After working through an arrangement with my cello group, one of the members said that she didn't believe the bass line she played was part of the song. I dug out a CD of that particular song and pointed it out to her! It was an old song by the Eagles called Hotel California. Everyone knows the melody but have you ever listened for any of the other parts?
Listening, I believe, is a skill, especially when it comes to music! How many times have you listened to a piece of music and simply heard a "wall of sound"? A lot of us do that! It happens to a lot of us when we hear some classical music particularly the more modern classics. There is a lot of "texture" in classical and you don't have to be a musician to hear it, just listen for it! That is what I believe intimidates a lot of people when they hear classical music, they figure you have to be classically trained to hear the intricacies. Actually, all you have to do is train yourself to really listen!
The challenge to any music is to not just hear it as a whole, but, rather, all the different parts that make up the whole! When I do arrangements from a CD for my cello group, I "listen" to one part of the song at a time. Each time I listen, it becomes a different song. I "listen" for the bass line, then I "listen" for the melody, the rhythm, the harmonies etc... until I finally have the whole thing.
Listening, I think, can add a whole new dimension to music. The next time you play a song, try listening deeper. Try focusing on the bass line, or just the harmony or any aspect of the song other than the melody. The melody is usually what attracts us, but the "inner" parts really make the song! Or, the next time you play a piece of classical music, try focusing your attention on something other than the 1st violins...try hearing the 2nd violins! Now THERE is a challenge!
We can apply this to every aspect of our lives from "listening" to music to actually "listening" to what a friend is saying or the speech someone is giving. We are all guilty of it....hearing, but not listening,...listening but not hearing!
I find that this is what happens to a lot of people who listen to music, but not really hearing it! A great example of this is when I do arrangements for my group.
After working through an arrangement with my cello group, one of the members said that she didn't believe the bass line she played was part of the song. I dug out a CD of that particular song and pointed it out to her! It was an old song by the Eagles called Hotel California. Everyone knows the melody but have you ever listened for any of the other parts?
Listening, I believe, is a skill, especially when it comes to music! How many times have you listened to a piece of music and simply heard a "wall of sound"? A lot of us do that! It happens to a lot of us when we hear some classical music particularly the more modern classics. There is a lot of "texture" in classical and you don't have to be a musician to hear it, just listen for it! That is what I believe intimidates a lot of people when they hear classical music, they figure you have to be classically trained to hear the intricacies. Actually, all you have to do is train yourself to really listen!
The challenge to any music is to not just hear it as a whole, but, rather, all the different parts that make up the whole! When I do arrangements from a CD for my cello group, I "listen" to one part of the song at a time. Each time I listen, it becomes a different song. I "listen" for the bass line, then I "listen" for the melody, the rhythm, the harmonies etc... until I finally have the whole thing.
Listening, I think, can add a whole new dimension to music. The next time you play a song, try listening deeper. Try focusing on the bass line, or just the harmony or any aspect of the song other than the melody. The melody is usually what attracts us, but the "inner" parts really make the song! Or, the next time you play a piece of classical music, try focusing your attention on something other than the 1st violins...try hearing the 2nd violins! Now THERE is a challenge!
We can apply this to every aspect of our lives from "listening" to music to actually "listening" to what a friend is saying or the speech someone is giving. We are all guilty of it....hearing, but not listening,...listening but not hearing!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Music and Anxiety?
I recently participated in a discussion in a group about relieving anxiety by listening to music. That got me thinking! And still another group discussed anxiety in familiar places...THAT got me thinking!
Anxiety is SUCH a burden. To rid oneself of that burden would be nirvana...wouldn't it? Just last night, I had a run in with anxiety...playing music!! Of all things! The one thing in my life that I truly love to do...causing anxiety? But, wait! How can it cause anxiety? What actually IS the cause of anxiety?
After pondering that very thought....the light went on! WE cause it in ourselves...it is NOT external!
So what was my anxiety last night?.....the symphony rehersal! I realize that I put a LOT of pressure on myself to play well, get every note, every articulation, in order to make an impression! So what happened.....it backfired! I did not live up to my own expectations!
So let me back up a bit.....
I auditioned earlier this year for a spot in the symphony. I worked very hard all summer preparing. I worked on getting all the tempos that I thought he (the director) wanted to hear, all the dynamics...everything. I felt really ready. The day came, I walked onto the stage, played my scale fairly well, made a couple mistakes on my etude...not too bad! Then totally blew the excerpts! Nothing was right! He kept stopping me, telling me to "play this way NOT that way..." I was crushed. All of my confidence blew out of me like steam escaping from a kettle! I KNEW I didn't make it...I was crushed!!
The next day....late in the day, after I had time to really soak in the blow!!...a friend called to tell me I had made it in! IMOSSIBLE...I thought! But true (albeit LAST chair!) I'll take it!!
So now, deterrmined to prove my worthiness....PRESSURE!!!! And ANXIETY...who put that there? I DID!!!
Examing exactly where anxiety comes from is, I believe, a huge step toward eliminating it. Slowly, but surely, I am working on it! To think that music...the element of joy and relief to SO many people can be the cause of anxiety for me......HOGWASH! It is I that causes my own anxiety!
Something to think about!
Anxiety is SUCH a burden. To rid oneself of that burden would be nirvana...wouldn't it? Just last night, I had a run in with anxiety...playing music!! Of all things! The one thing in my life that I truly love to do...causing anxiety? But, wait! How can it cause anxiety? What actually IS the cause of anxiety?
After pondering that very thought....the light went on! WE cause it in ourselves...it is NOT external!
So what was my anxiety last night?.....the symphony rehersal! I realize that I put a LOT of pressure on myself to play well, get every note, every articulation, in order to make an impression! So what happened.....it backfired! I did not live up to my own expectations!
So let me back up a bit.....
I auditioned earlier this year for a spot in the symphony. I worked very hard all summer preparing. I worked on getting all the tempos that I thought he (the director) wanted to hear, all the dynamics...everything. I felt really ready. The day came, I walked onto the stage, played my scale fairly well, made a couple mistakes on my etude...not too bad! Then totally blew the excerpts! Nothing was right! He kept stopping me, telling me to "play this way NOT that way..." I was crushed. All of my confidence blew out of me like steam escaping from a kettle! I KNEW I didn't make it...I was crushed!!
The next day....late in the day, after I had time to really soak in the blow!!...a friend called to tell me I had made it in! IMOSSIBLE...I thought! But true (albeit LAST chair!) I'll take it!!
So now, deterrmined to prove my worthiness....PRESSURE!!!! And ANXIETY...who put that there? I DID!!!
Examing exactly where anxiety comes from is, I believe, a huge step toward eliminating it. Slowly, but surely, I am working on it! To think that music...the element of joy and relief to SO many people can be the cause of anxiety for me......HOGWASH! It is I that causes my own anxiety!
Something to think about!
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